“Let It Go” – Elsa

June 30th, 2023

We don’t want to minimize mother’s guilt, women’s guilt, guilt overall but at the end of the day WE have to do what Elsa taught us in Frozen and LET IT GO.  We have been doing research and are pleased to report that all of it says guilt is not FIERCE nor is it making us better mothers, CEOs, sisters, colleagues, queens. 

I know what you’re thinking, you don’t understand.  You have a lot of help.  Your family isn’t like my family.  To that I say, you’re absolutely right.  All of that is true.  It does not change the fact that your guilt is holding YOU back.  This isn’t about me or your boss or your employee.  This is about you.  We want you to remove the weight of guilt once and for all.  So what to do?  There is a lot of research on that and the ideas we think are worth considering are here:

  • Forgive yourself – easier said than done.  Here’s one way to start:  instead of thinking about why you feel guilty about a decision, remind yourself why you made the decision in the first place.  For example, instead of: I feel guilty that I missed my daughter’s recital. Try framing the decision like this: I missed her recital so I could lead a client pitch in San Francisco that is important to my team, my company and my career.  It is also important to note here that there is no such thing as work-life balance.  There is work-life integration.  Recognizing and accepting this reality will allow you to forgive yourself a bit easier.
  • Ask for help – this works ladies.  Do not struggle alone.  No one is expecting you to do it all except you.  Or if they do – they can take their expectations and get out of here. We would take this further and say don’t only ask occasionally – outsource as a best practice.  Identify what you aren’t great at, can afford to outsource and get that off your list forever. Get creative here – grocery delivery or curbside pick-up, meal-prepping, laundry service at the local dry cleaner, check out TaskRabbit.  According to Harvard researcher Ashely Whillans, outsourcing household activities makes you as happy as getting an $18,000 raise.
  • Take Care of Yourself – you know as well as we do that you are a better wife, mother, sister, co-worker just better when you feel well.  However you define self-care, schedule time for yourself to take care of you.  It is in everyone’s interest.  Every Saturday I do the Saturday 60 on Peloton.  I am absolutely a better mother for the rest of the day because of it.  My daughter also works out most Saturdays and has a goal of hitting a 100lb deadlift PR.  No chance she sees herself doing that without my example.  So, I don’t say I feel bad for rushing to the gym on Saturday morning.  I say, I’m so proud of how my commitment to working out has made Arden as comfortable lifting weights at ten years old as I was at twenty-five years old.
  • Unfollow – do not let someone else’s social media drag you down queen.  Hype mode is our only mode on social media.  Do not let someone else convince you that you are not doing enough.  Unfollow and don’t look back ever.  Need some great social accounts, try these:  @girlboss, @the_femlate_lead, @melrobbins, @femalequotient, and obvi @fierece_now