The Dream

The Dream

By Leasa Neaves

Executive Coach and Women’s Leadership Expert, Founder of Elevate for Women

It all started with a dream. I was 24 years old, living in Los Angeles, and was on a flight to New

York to visit my mom. I fell asleep in my favorite- the window seat. When I woke up, I was

shaking and struggling to breathe. In the dream, I was trapped between the person next to me

and the reclined seat in front of me. Many years later, I vividly remember that dream and the

terror I felt.

That flight and that dream were the beginning of an intense fear of flying. The dream left me

nervous and jittery on planes, desperately torn between my love of travel and my absolute fear

of flying.

Then one day, I flew with a friend who was more scared than I was. She said her prayers. She

gripped her arm rests so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She cried more than once. I got

even more scared. Between the two of us, we were an absolute wreck.

That flight changed me. I realized that I could not let this fear own me. I loved traveling so

much, and a plane was the best way to get from where I was to where I wanted to be. Seeing

no other alternative, I started dismantling my fear, mile by mile.

First, I started doing anything I could to sit in the aisle seat. I actually paid a kid $20 one time to

switch with me and gave him the book I was reading. It was well worth it.

Then, I read an article on passenger safety that advised counting the rows in front of you and

behind you to the nearest exit. So I did it. Religiously.

Next, I started watching the flight attendants. Like a hawk. It they weren’t scared about what

was happening on a flight, someone had suggested, why should I be scared?

My growing confidence in flying was tested during this time with some crazy adventures. On a

flight from Los Angeles to DC, the pilot had to dump fuel over the ocean and return to LAX

because a strap from an improperly closed door was banging on the plane. Another flight had

to be diverted to Phoenix for a passenger in need of medical attention. Delays, lost baggage,

maintenance issues – all the “joys” of flying that are a joy to no one seemed to follow me.

But I persisted. Fast forward to today, and as long as I touch the logo on the outside of the plane

while boarding and wear my necklace with my children’s initials, I’m good. I faced my fear by

creating a series of rituals and coping mechanisms that enable me to fly with no problem (even

though odd flight mishaps STILL seem to follow me!).

The lessons I learned from flying are equally relevant to how we manage our careers and

professional lives.

There are so many things to be afraid of – failing, looking bad, appearing uninformed, work that

doesn’t meet expectations, being told NO to something that’s important to us, not getting the big

promotion we’ve been working so hard to achieve, uncertainty – the list continues.

The fears can become truly paralyzing, and it’s easy to get locked into our comfort zones or

even just the status quo because of those fears. But so often, what’s on the other side when we

face our fears is worth the effort.

How do we go about facing those fears? Here are three ideas to help you get started:

1. Identify what you actually fear. It’s very difficult to overcome something when you

   don’t stop to take the time to self-reflect. For me, with flying, it was giving up control. If I

   had tried to conquer a fear of heights, it would not have helped me because that wasn’t

   actually the problem.

   Take some time to assess a situation that is bringing you fear. What’s happening? How

   are you feeling? Why are you feeling that way? What is the possible outcome that is

   causing you to be afraid?

2. Develop a clear vision for what can happen WHEN – not IF – you conquer the fear.

   I wanted to go back East to visit my family and friends and eventually I wanted to go to

   Europe. How was I going to get there if not in an airplane? I visualized what that looked

   like. Seeing my mom and sister at Christmas. Seeing the Eiffel Tower or Venice in real

   life.

   Close your eyes, see yourself where you want to be on the other side of the fear, and

   imagine how you will feel when you’ve gotten where you want to be. Write it all down

   and keep your notes where you can re-read them frequently.

3. Make a plan to get yourself beyond the fear. The steps I mentioned above actually

   developed over time, but they started simply – getting myself into the aisle seat so I

   could see what was going on – and shaped themselves into concrete steps that helped

   me along the way.

   Start with a single step and allow that step to be the first on a path. Don’t be afraid to

   change directions as you develop the subsequent steps – you will probably need to

   adapt as you move forward to conquer the fear.

4. Bonus: for me, it always helps for me to tell someone else. Create a supportive ally

   who will be a trusted advisor, advocate and sounding board as you start and develop

   your plan.

Fear can be overcome. It’s not easy, it requires commitment and persistence and the resilience

to face setbacks and move forward nonetheless.

Even more importantly, overcoming a fear gives you power. It gives you power over THAT fear,

and it gives you the confidence to know that once you’ve conquered one fear, you have the

ability and the mental tools to do it again.

BE FIERCE. You can overcome your fears. You’ve got this!

Follow Leasa on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/leasaneaves/ and follow

www.linkedin.com/company/elevateforwomen to be in the know when the Elevate

Academy women’s leadership development program launches later in 2024!